Photo by Damini Wilson
All that I am
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(01) black woman
(02) caribbean
liberation
community
vulnerability
(03) yu di korsou
(04) photographer
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(05) writer
(06) shapeshifter
(07) visionary
(08) intentional
(09) songwriter
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music
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I come in many forms. Always have, always will be. The list of expressions that give my inner world a home runs deep and is an ever evolving expansion of my practice. All that I do is an ode to my existence, to make sure that I do not leave this world unrecorded, undocumented, nameless, or unseen. But somehow I never quite seem to have the audacity to state all when having to describe myself. The fear of coming across as a scattered, indecisive, or too much, always wins. So much so, that I'll reduce myself to just a few titles, knowing damn well that I show up as so much more. Because in essence this girl is big and grand. So if I am indeed born as such, where does my inability to hold space for my whole self stem from? What has led me to unclaim my bigness, my broadness, my greatness and evolution? What has led me to unbelieve my limitlessness?
Well, for starters, we have all been fed shrinking and silence at the dinner table. One that whispers, that our multifaceted selves are somehow too much, too loud or too inconvenient. I mean, most of us are led to pick one path, where the course of life is simplified to one lane. From the age that toddlers can talk, we ask them what they want to be when they grow up as if they are not already someone. Unfortunately we often laugh when they mention a whole list of ambitions. So now, our grown-up selves simply move accordingly. In highschool it may look like choosing your subject package, and later on in life like specialization or a career. While both are equally justifiable, they do still foster a culture of monotony, shaping identities that move in such a way that they appear to be fixed.
So as soon as we step outside the comfort of our homes, we often feel the need to shrink ourselves to be more digestible or relatable for others.
What has led me to unclaim my bigness, my broadness, my greatness and evolution? What has led me to unbelieve my limitlessness?
That somehow when we are the smallest most fragmented version of ourselves the world will applaud for the scam of us. We degrade especially our creative competence to a singular expression, if even that, and proceed to think that we cannot just list, do or claim all the things that we actually do and are.
And of course there are plenty of people who live simple or singular lives. Not everyone needs to be a multi-hyphenate, but even those living simple lives with singular expressions come with a broad existence. With all the different ethnicities, genders, job titles, leisure activities, nationalities and relations, being a singular entity would actually be quite impossible. So what does the molding of our lives into a singular direction give us that we want to hold on to it? Why is the urge to limit our potential, achievements and ambitions, so grandiose? Why are we so comfortably rooted in limitation when it comes to our purpose, gifts, and artistry? What is this act of holding back?
It is clearly not that we are unable to hold multiple truths at once, because when it comes to family we would never limit our being, confining ourselves to only be just a daughter and not also a sister. So if we keep it real with ourselves, we come to find out that it is merely a convenience. It’s a convenience to believe in the smallest version of ourselves and the perfect excuse to stop showing up as our full selves. It’s a way to move without having to step up and claim all the spaces we belong to, even when told the opposite. It’s a way to co-exist without having to understand and learn, because we are all the same anyway, ultimately resting on the lie that what we become at 16 is somehow all that we are and can ever be for the rest of our lives. But don’t we owe it to ourselves to grow, explore, to mix, to overlap, to express, to fuse and to expand ourselves as much as possible? Not solely in action but also in the way that we describe ourselves, so that when directly asked we don’t just mention the job with the most financial benefits or acclaimed status, but that we also dare to mention those that still go unnoticed. Simply as an affirmative mantra to ourselves. As a reminder that we acknowledge the parts of us that still need saving, training, experience or recognition. As a manifestation for all that we still wish to embody, master and fulfill.
When it comes to family we would never limit our being, confining ourselves to only be just a daughter and not also a sister.
What does the simplification of self offer in the midst of being? How does singularity broaden my life and identity, if even that?
(10) diasporic
(11) visual artist
Because the truth is that I come in many forms. I was made by multiple beings - my mother, my father, their manifestations, the universe and God if you will. So what does the simplification of self offer in the midst of being? How does singularity broaden my life and identity, if even that? It doesn’t. It only shrinks. It fades. It confines. It dims. It blocks out. It highlights and neglects. When instead we could embrace, broaden, include, tap in, accept, intertwine and connect all the parts, gifts and identities of ourselves.
So with the creation of my new website, I deliberately chose to center myself. I took distance from specific titles as I understood that the only thing that I can truly ever be is my Black self. Photographing, writing, thinking, researching, singing and designing are solely verbs describing aspects of my being but never with completeness. So aqueenewilson.com in its current state is a testament to me and therefore a site of being.
It is also a testament to my own journey, actively sharing the spectrum of my creative existence. All that comes from me, is no longer a private experience - it’s of communal sharing, as I am simply a vessel for processing life. And vessels cannot be blinded by their own abundance. We cannot become proprietary about our gifts. We cannot sleep on what is meant to be shared and received. Maybe it takes time, maybe it blossoms in seasons, maybe within boundaries, but it must happen. The sharing of our multitude might just be the outcome of our collective dreams. So let us ground as wide as possible and may your self-defining agency know no horizontal ending. I’ll promise that I will do the same as I am more than the sum of parts.
(12) self-taught
(13) emotional
(14) hair twister
(15) freelancer
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tenderness
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belonging
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(19) feisty - soft
(20) gemini
(21) versatile
(22) critical
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(16) daughter
(17) storyteller
(18) singer
(19) creative
(23) funny
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